Morning calls

I'm leaving you

And you're without a clue

The spark we had

Has come and gone

Just as the season's flu.

Our greetings once
Were filled with smiles
Now they all run dry
And though my pen once sang of love
Now of pains it softly cries.

So here today and gone tomorrow
Dust to dust we move
And now the more I think
The more I know
That I am not for you.

-Victor Tinsdale

Time Travel

More loud and confusing each time than the last
Backward, then forward, rewriting the past
The ribbon of time was a moment inert
But each time it's doubled, like pleats in a skirt.
Tomorrow, the future, then past may become
A chance to repeat or rewrite what we've done
To redo or predo an act of the mind
For each shred of memory exists throughout time
And that which we do in embarking the present
Leads to the future; both bright and unpleasant
Tomorrow, delighted, I'll wake up to see
What future in time there is waiting for me.

-J. Thadeus Richie

Seconds slowly turn to minutes

Later minutes crawl to hours

As a fire burns between my ears

Rain pours then gently showers.

As I watch the midnight hour

Slow, transform to morning's break

Not a wink of sleep has graced me

For I know that all's at stake.

And as my arms still reach out seeking

Comfort, comfort evermore,

The burning spreads down to my chest

And my emotions are at war.

My plea for help escapes

The wheels that burn within my mind

And how I wish, now more than ever

I was yours

And you were mine.

-Victor Tinsdale

Today is the day

To change all my ways

To leave my me in the past

And to make this all last

For just as time is advancing

I'm still far behind

And with my failed romancing

I've strangle my mind.

-Victor Tinsdale

Dear pills,

Though you can dampen me

You cannot kill the pain

For though you're called a saving grace

The scars of hell remain.

My soul is charred and fading now

My hopes are six feet under

The grave which clearly reads my name

With clouds and rolling thunder.

- Victor Tinsdale

I once killed a man with words alone
And shattered all his dreams
I mocked him in his indecision
Silenced all his screams


The pen can hold more power
Than the sword and than the stone
And so the wars I battle day by day
Are wars with words alone

-Victor Tinsdale

Regret not the moments

In which our emotions flared

In which our eyes met

Causing our world of questions and doubts

To slow, organize and settle

Albeit only for a moment.

Regret not the kiss

That caused warm tears of joy

To bellow down your tender cheek

Forget not that these arms were made

To hold a queen such as you.

To hold a queen.

To hold only you.

May the fading powers of time

Work not against us,

May our hands never again

Be cold and alone without each other.

For you are as the moon

Causing the fallen blanket of snow

To sparkle in beauty true and through

The eleventh hour.

May your calming power

Cradle forever my needing heart.

May these words,

Though only a written, silent cry,

Find you

Bring you home

And cause that you are

Never again without me

And I, in return, am

Never again without you.

-Victor Tinsdale

Sleep fails me

My eyes wander

And run laps around my eyelids.

A simple night's rest is shattered

By a stray thought.

My mind runs restlessly within its private insecurities. 

Doubts run with noisy sticks held strong

Endlessly rattling my fence of comfort.

As light had turned to darkness

So once again, through bent blinds

Morning beckons.

I still fight the losing battle

Against my burning thoughts of panic.

My alarm sounds

It laughs boldly.

Oh how I thought I had stood a chance tonight.

That this night could have been different.

Different from the endlessly stacked nights

That had itched and scratched their way

Through to the morning's break.

And tomorrow I know

Wholeheartedly

That I must again limp my way

To the battle field of torment

And pray skyward that sleep

    Will for once

          Grace my soul.

-Victor Tinsdale

My mind is twisted

Wrapped around

The life of which we dreamed

While Cupid's arrows

Miss us

My heart aches at every seam

Then time goes by

And distance grows

It proves itself quite maiming 

And as my heart wails 

In pain 

Somehow you find this entertaining.

-Victor Tinsdale

Victor's Lost Christmas Poem #2

On a night just like this

How on earth could I miss

A fat man

Slipping into my chimney

All my cookies went missing

And facts not dismissing

My whole Christmas was ruined again.

For my gifts, can't you see?

They all laid by the tree

But come morning,

They all had went missing

And now rumors have spread,

How they torment my head,

Of my mother and that slime ball kissing! 

And the question of why?

Brought more tears to my eyes

As I shattered the Spode with a hammer

Though Dad grounded my rear,

I still live life in fear

'Till the day Cringle's locked in the slammer.

-Victor Tinsdale

Victor's Lost Christmas Poem

My heart swings low

All spirits lost

And Christmas cheers run dry

A thousand scars

Within my heart

Beneath a starless sky

Etch frosted pains

Throughout my bones

And mourning beyond reason

But sleigh bells ring

And snowflakes glisten

Curse this Christmas season.

-Victor Tinsdale

Hope

A love once torn between two pedals

Finally makes her step

In choosing between two right answers

Within my arms she leapt.

With sufficient love to melt a tundra

And all hope of winter's spring

While waiting through the odds uncertain

My life has granted me my dreams.

Now all the nights of quiet tears

Have gently made this garden grow

And fertile soil springs forth new life

Where once all visible was snow.

Her eyes now dance within my every fiber

Burning through my soul

The simple phrase "I'll love you always"

Makes our forever brightly glow.

Oh love of mine, I'll wear out soles

To carry you through trials.

Your hand in mine,

Our love will shine,

Joy's tears will match our smiles.

I love you now,

I loved you then,

I will forevermore

And since the moment I first saw you

Skyward did my heart so soar.

And now, within my arms,

All doubts can truly fade to grey

With confidence we advance forward...

  ...Side by side

           And day by day.

Knock, knock!
   -Who's there?
It's me again!
Your buddy way back when!

And I'm here bring back yesterday
And end what you begin!
I'll undo all progress you have made
And tangle things uncoiled
I'll remind you of your days once lost
And your tomorrows will be soiled!

So open up
  And let me in!
    I swear it will be fun!
      So forget where you've been going,
And get back where you begun!

-Victor Tinsdale

My hands

           Now cold

My thoughts

           Untold

I haven't slept a wink.

A message

           Bold

Inside me

           Holds

Regrets I dare not speak.

But where to go?

Or what to do?

My soul could start a riot

But the truth inside

Burns shame and pride

Remains and I stay quiet.

-Victor Tinsdale

Absolutely an absurdity!

Bantered Benjamin boldly

Countering cold conclusions

During a dull daydreaming day.

Everybody exaggerates excessively

Forming freakishly far fetched fiction

Giving gracious gawking ganders

Having hatred hardly hid.

I invite initial investigation

Jesting jovially,

Knowing kisses keep kindhearted kids

Lifted lovingly like lances lace a lovers lonely lane.

March my men, move! More movement means more medallions!

Never! Now, never nag! Never neglect noteworthy notions!

Oppress opposition or openly overcome obstacles.

Punctuality perfectly prepares perfection.

Quiet questionable quarrels 

Solely seek self-satisfaction.  Suddenly satisfaction settles, sounds spring skyward, sorrows silently stop.

Tremendous temptations tumble

Under uneasy understandings.

Victory veers vivaciously

With wild, warm wonderment.

Xanadu!

Yonder, yea yonder your yoke yearns,

Zoning zealously. 

-Zictor Zinsdale

Be prepared! They always told me,

Truth be told, though, they were boring

Always doing what was told

Never happy, always cold

Always playing by the rules

Never running by the pool

Looking both ways before crossing

Always brushing, always flossing

Sitting still and being quiet

If they're fat they start to diet

Never wanting to be free

Never Caring about me

Which leads me to my point of pondering

Does life have value without wandering

Through the good and through the bad?

Through beams of joy and thorns of sad?

Without regret of dreams unspoken?

For stronger hearts are those once broken.

...But do not think I dare to say

That seeking sin is a-ok,

If you stumble, then get up

Get a move on, don't get stuck

Be the best that you can be,

But know that lunch is never free

Life takes its toll of blood and sweat

Some expectations never met,

But wounds will heal and tears be sewn

Errors fixed,

And unknowns known.

In truth all that I wish to say

Is go outside,

    And live

       Your life

           ...Today!

-Victor Tinsdale

The devil in our Eyes

I see devil in thy eye,
And I see one in mine too.
I try to purge it with a dye,
To take away the hue.
But the devil grows a darker vague,
And renders half my sight opaque,
In angst I cry,
In pain I twist,
I pluck my eye into my fist.
And leave a hole I never missed.

But you
You leave the devil in your eye,
It burns a hole into your mind.
And fills your soul with dark despair,
And leaves an empty longing there.
Eyes for eyes.
Teeth for teeth.
The eyes are for sight.
The teeth are for meat.
The heart is for blood,
And the blood is for love.
But thy eyes are sacred as the dove.

-Rochester Payne

You and My

You can hold signs and yell,
But you cannot change the direction of my heart.
You can throw a stone, or break my bones,
But you cannot break my will.
You can take my fingers, hands, or legs,
But you cannot take my soul.
You can burn my books, my home, my temple,
But you can never extinguish my internal flame.
You can kill me, my wife, my children, my mother, my father, my brother, my sister,
But you cannot take them from me.
You can destroy this country I hold dear,
But you can never take away my fear.
For my fear is of God and him alone.
And my family is mine, given to me, by him, forever.
And my fire burns from his spirit.
And my soul can only be destroyed by one person, myself.
And my will is as strong as my love, and there exists nothing stronger.
And in my heart all this exists, and has always existed, and will exist forever.

-Rochester Payne

The Tear of the Bigot

I stand amongst the fallen trees,
Guns pointing my back.
The mob Catt calls of “Bigotry!”
Are sung like an attack.

My eyes well strong with tears unshed,
For my valiant brethren,
For my family taken beneath their beds,
For whom I wait to see again.

The mob jeers loud at my single tear,
They mock me with contempt.
They do not know my secret dear,
My tear was shed for them.

My crown bleeds red from angry stones,
But worse pain comes from words unknown.
But still I stand, even alone,
Until I’m called back home.

I whisper off my last goodbyes,
And pray my new hellos.
My nerves are calm, I close my eyes,
It’s now my turn to go.

-Rochester Payne

The night is growing old

Said I, reluctantly with fear

No matter how I push away

I know you'll find me here.

Whilst logic fails me

Greed then thrives

And all words lose their meaning

Then in an instant

Change!

Inside my heart,

Intentions prove deceiving.

Control is lost

And passion prospers

Pleasure turns to pain

And so an evening

Once mundane

Has turned itself insane.

-Victor Tinsdale

My Personal Hell

When upon the mountain
And pondering upon eternity
I sipped the dregs of the cup of malice
And pucker was shear delight!

When below the valley floor
I knelt upon the dews of wrath
My quivering lips did touch the elixir
Of a love once true now dead

When among the whispering canyons
I sought to quench my stinging fury
And bury mountains of forced discretion
To appease the masses that plea for silence

When through the clenched teeth
That I once suppressed through the pain
Passes the energy, reverberating through all
Stirring the eternal essence throughout

When all around me flew the sounds
Of living breathing dreams escaped
Then no one sat to sooth and comfort
The wounds that caused my soul to ache

-J. Thadeus Richie

Winter Tune

When from my window singing low
A winter breeze did sooth my soul
And whisping me to sightly slumber
I paused a while to sit and wonder
She walked right by me when she passed
And strode a rhythm loud and fast
A melody, too, did fill my ears
It pleaded soft to drain my tears
The tears I'd held for far too long
Now fell with ease beneath her song
When from my view the dream did fade
I struggled on the other way
Too tough to fight, the tide too strong
I gripped more tightly to her song
The only shred of proof I gripped
Then from my fingers now did slip
I fell head long through time and space
Till morning found me at my place
Beside the window life resumed
But I could not recall the tune.

-J. Thadeus Richie

Your promises hold true and strong

Like wax before a fire,

And the person that you claim you are

Proves further, you're a liar.

Because you cause all those that cross your path

To wilt like dying flowers,

Yet you raise yourself on pedestals,

And talk and brag for hours.

You're the greatest thing thats ever happened

To this tiny town

And yet the breeze blows calm

And sun shins brighter

When you're not around.

And note, your heart is cold

And your desires are all tainted,

Which have nothing in resemblance

To the facade you think you've painted.

But the thing which ails me most

And makes my veins run cold with fear

Is that I share these things in confidence

Alone, before the mirror.

-Victor Tinsdale

Reflection

Life proves to be a curious trip

Said I as I sat down

Just When I think, boy, this is it!

Everything turns around.

Should hope be lost,

Should I give up,

Or try a little more?

All this feels so familiar,

For I've been down this path before.

If life proved itself to be so simple

Would I be content?

Or does it prove its own true value

Through its storms and self torment?

If a riddle solved itself

Then I'd be puzzled nevermore

And if my life came with an answer key

My life would be a bore.

So perhaps through all my struggles,

I'll discover who I am

And maybe while I think I walk alone,

I'm in a greater plan.

A plan that molds me here and now

Builds men from little boys,

That teaches me the stings of pain,

And temperamental joys.

I pray that there is something more,

That love in sooth, is true.

And that it works for everyone

For me, and not just you.

You see I've come out on the bottom

Time and time and time again,

And with what started out as nothing

Lies the ash of fallen friends.

Which brings me hither pondering

Still sitting by the way,

Should I bring end to my tomorrows?

...Or continue on astray?

-Victor Tinsdale

Four dreams

#1
Hear the screams of my fevered soul
Thy pilgramage ensnares me.
Mine hearty deeds like twisted coal
And a broken heart that ails me.
#2
A sacrifice too great to make
To put thee on an alter.
Perhaps the gods, for both our sakes
Would take my cousin Walter.
#3
My lips, my swollen scabby lips
Kankered by thy citrus taste
I've painted them black, so black, so black
To cover my folly with haste.
#4
Breathing, Grieving my wretched heart
Tears flowing like stagnant rivers
My true love and her stinging reproach
Poach me.

-J. Thadeus Richie

Blue as the flowers that sway in the meadow

Still as the water caressing my head-o

Potsing and shushing is all I recall

Speaking in tongues to the head on my wall

Off times true splendor so freely was bleeding

Words that ran silent with wisdom entreating

Trapped in the vase of a love long forgotten

Toxic the taste of a flesh that was rotten

-J. Thadeus Richie

Thieves will steal

And pirates plunder

Dentists drill and babble

A knight defends the true and just

And Thor sends thunder from his hammer.

While painters paint

And robbers rob

And skiers always ski

I'm not quite sure

Just what the world

Has got in store for me.

-Victor Tinsdale

Sweet Mallory
The thought of thee
Can save all wilting flowers.
Your smile's hold
So true and bold
Contains a healing power.

Brightness follows all your footprints
As you lift others and inspire,
And now within my heart, once kindling,
Gently burns your loving fire.

Now hold me close
I beg, sincere,
A simple honest notion,
When out the corner of my eye I spy
You slip my drink love potion.

-Victor Tinsdale

Oh honey, how I love thee so
I'll work ten thousand hours
To come home and simply know you're there
You sweeten all that's sour.


With you all wrongs I know I'll right
With you there my hopes can't end
And with you I'll cure a thousand sores
With you my life begins.




Oh money, how I love thee so
I'll work ten thousand hours
To come home and simply know you're there
You sweeten all that's sour.


With you all wrongs I know I'll right
With you there my hopes can't end
And with you I'll cure a thousand sores
With you my life begins.




It's funny how a single letter
Changes love to greed,
And how something, though important,
Can priorities, exceed.

-Victor Tinsdale

A cornucopia of knowledge
Profits nothing if it's rotten
And a thousand of life's lessons
Are invalid when forgotten.

-Victor Tinsdale

Sin

Who me?
   My friend, I'm just a thought,
   No harm can come of me!


Oh What?
   You're liking what you hear?
   I knew that you'd agree!


What now?
   Perhaps you'll try me out,
   I will not tell a soul


And now?
   You're broke,
   Alone
   And cold...


...And I've consumed you whole.

-Victor Tinsdale

A Lament

My baby’s gone away and left me sore
For she’s the only one that I adore
And all that I can do is close my eyes
And dream of her beneath the auburn skies

One night as I lay wretched and bereft
She came and kissed me twice and then she left
And sad to find her gone when morning flew
I wondered if she dreamt about me too

Deep inside I feel so very torn
For a true love once conceived was never born
But maybe in my dreams she’ll come again
And with a kiss she’ll take away this pain

Mine eyes are waxing dry
From all the times I’ve cried
My heart has sunk a fathom deep from sorrow
Suffice it just to say
I pine for you each day
Oh, won’t you come on home to me tomorrow?

-J. Thadeus Richie